I remember watching, “The Bridges of Madison County” and crying my eyes out when it ended without Robert and Francesca living their fairytale, their “happily-ever-after”; something that my 16 year old self was not inured to! I remember the same wretched melancholy trying to haunt me again, a year later, when I watched, “Atonement”! This time, I must say, I found myself receiving a mellower blow. Time had shown me by then that love is not always ‘rainbows and butterflies’! It has heartburns and anguishes, heartbreaks and disappointments. The fault in the stars cannot be altered by mere mortals, like you and I. I had understood that love doesn’t follow our expectations. It’s enigmatic and absolute. To quote Gibran, “Love possesses not nor would it be possessed.”
I know, I am blackwashing something cruel for you to consider, asking you to question all the fantasies and fibs that you grew up on, unlearn the always and forevers. I, being a hopeless romantic myself, can very well identify with your dilemma. However, if a love couldn’t be lived, does not in any way mean, that it never was! Love is not something so trifling that it would need closure. The idea of love, is like that of God. He exists despite us. His existence isn’t subject to our belief in Him or whether our prayers are answered each time. Quite ironically, His presence is felt deeper through unanswered prayers. The sorrow of it draws us closer to Him. Analogously, a love incomplete is amorous and most passionate, the realest. A legend of pure love, that the world has worshipped, would be Radha Krishna’s, chaste though flawed. A love of this sort happens but once every lifetime.
Love is an amusement of extremes – you revel in its glories and dooms. It’s strange how one thing can be so charming in its prodigality, embracing both good and evil, pleasure and pain. Masochistic pleasure of the pain of love is something we can all relate to. Otherwise how would you explain why we follow love when it summons us, even though we are conscious of the turmoil it has in store for us? A candle eloquently burns itself to illuminate the world around it; a clichéd analogy but nonetheless poignant.
I appeal that my musings mustn’t be mistaken for dissuasions. On the contrary, I am bringing you to recognise love in its totality, because otherwise you will be one of those unfortunate many, who do not allow themselves to soak love in its entirety, and so are miserable. Love and be loved though the road is brutal and steep. It will crown you king and also crucify you. But if you try to restrain it with shackles and hold on tight, it will suffocate and die a definitive death. This love will persist, in the ordinary sense of the word, but it will actually be a breathing lifeless body. It’s for you to choose what you seek and settle for!
Bereavement in love is completely ubiquitous and it is healed only when you acknowledge that it will return to you, though in a different form. You just have to believe in its comeback and recognize it when it makes one. Love and be loved!